Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
