i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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