I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
