brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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