we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
