I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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