the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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