you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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