I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
