We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
