The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
