Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
