remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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