The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The struggles of a small town man whore
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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