Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
