yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
