Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize