'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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