he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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