My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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