i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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