I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize