gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
