Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize