Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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