Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
