so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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