I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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