gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
