i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize