Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
