fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
sarcasm needs its own font
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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