i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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