hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
