If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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