I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
im six kinds of drunk right now
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
