Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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