.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
