Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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