So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
