I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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