i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
