I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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