cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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