new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
