Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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