she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
