The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I want to fling myself into the sun
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
