I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
