they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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