Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
