I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
zippers are such a cool invention
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
