so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
