I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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