I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
