sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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