I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
