Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
