I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
