it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
