In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
