Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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