Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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