she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
