when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
