her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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