I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
